The Refugee of The World
MY DREAMS BEFORE THE WAR
This picture captured one of the moments I enjoyed the most. I visited Rammang Rammang, one of the most beautiful summer resorts near Makassar, Indonesia. I love nature since I grew up around them. Especially, in my current circumstance, nature is very important. It is the only therapy that not only help me relax from stress, but it makes me laugh, no matter how stressful and depressed I am. It is the only friend I have now.
When I was still in High school. I didn't have too many dreams or wishes for myself. But I did have some dream & wishes for my family and for others.
At school, I was a hard-working student and used to be good at studying in class. I would always come 2nd or 3rd in ranking in every final exam that I have at school. I was very passionate about computer science. I did not have that much knowledge about it then. I wanted to get more knowledge about computer science and I wanted to do something different! Back then, my dream was to become a computer specialist and I wanted to pursue this in the future.
My village, Dandar Boshehra, is a small village with a population of approximately 100 and is closely connected to one of the largest Sunni villages, Boshehra in the South-Eastern part of Pakistan. Even though my village is small, it is the most beautiful place with snow-capped mountains, clean and fresh rivers, and lots of streams of pure water.
Then, I was a child growing up happily and did not have much information about the hatred and discrimination between Sunni and Shia. In fact, I had many friends of Sunni faith and we were living in a peaceful neighbourhood, co-existing trouble-free. We used to play together and celebrated at each other's wedding parties, sharing food amongst us, especially during EID Al Fitr. However, things suddenly began to change when the Taliban came to Parachinar city.
One day, all of sudden, all of my dreams and happiness we shared together were destroyed as the war against Shia Muslim has started. The war reached to us all. All of my dreams, wishes, and education were destroyed that day. Our home, school, everything was targeted and destroyed by Bombs & Missiles. Everyone young and old, we were all affected! My home and school were bombed turning everything into ashes, including my dream to become a computer specialist.
Schools and Markets were closed. We’re not able to get enough food on our table, we only get what we can. This is because the roads to our village were closed for a few years.
This has all become a part of our everyday life since then, I succumb to accept the reality we live in. I cannot dreams about things anymore. All I can think about is my own safety, my family safety, and keeping everyone safe until peace arrives. For a moment, we can only dream what peace is like back then. We have forgotten what it was like.
During the war, all of us have the same and important dream. We all wished to live in peace once again.
One day I want to bring peace not only to my people. I also want to bring peace and happiness everywhere around the world! 100% I really want to do it. I’ll even sacrifice my life for this so that all those people who have never had peace before can have a chance! It is important for everyone to have peace and education. I will fight for this one day in the future when the right time has come for me to do it.
MY DREAMS AFTER THE WAR
I wrote this reflection on the 25 of January 2019. It has been more than five years since I have been living as a refugee, in limbo dreaming for a future that so far, has never come close to ever coming true. When I first got out of the Manado detention centre, I felt happy for almost year as I could go around the city and visit other fellow refugees. Comparatively, This limited freedom was much better than being in the detention center.
Now, I spend most my days doing exercises every morning at Hasanudin University park and recreation areas and hanging out with friends in my place, or outside every evening.
When I am not going out I clean my room and tidy up clothes and, as I do not have anything to do. I usually sleep late and wake up late the next day. Most days, I skip breakfast. However, sometimes, I wake up early and make breakfast for myself. After having , I do some self-study. I study English, listen to current news andbreakfast sometimes, I read some books.
To fresh up my mind, once a month, my friends and I take a trip to Pantai Losari. Nevertheless, it is difficult to continue living and finding the motivation to move on with this life. Even though I am physically alive, I am dying inside and my soul and mind are hardly functioning as I see no certain future ahead of me. I lose hope within myself. I keep asking these questions to myself:
“Until when must I continue living in this open prison where rules and restrictions are imposed on me by immigration officers as if I am a criminal?
What crime have I committed for which I am sentenced for with this life?!”
I wish to be able to further study, but I am not allowed to go to any school or university. There is no formal education I can have an opportunity for. I can not work to support myself and my family back home who are in great poverty. I am not allowed to go out of Makassar! I cannot visit someone in a different city or to go for a trip to relax from the stress and frustrations of my life.
One day, when I have moved to my resettlement country. One of my first goals is to be able to work towards seeing my family as soon as I can. It has been more than five years since I last I saw them. Secondly, I want to continue my study and pursue my dream to study computer science.
Once I have this opportunity of myself, I will do my best to contribute to the new home country that will welcome me with all my potential and the hard work I will bring!
After that, my wish is to then continue to make the world a better place so all we can live in peace and harmony. I don’t know what it is yet, but I will find out!
These are the only things that I wish for my life, but it hurts me every time I am reminded that my situation has not changed. Every morning, when I wake up I long to see a positive change in my life and my ears are waiting to hear this good news!
Now, my eyes are getting swollen and my ears are getting tired and my patience drying up, and my soul has stopped supporting me to motivate my mind and give strength to hold on.